Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
she smelled like a LAN party
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
