I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
