i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
