woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Randomize
