I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
