those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
