She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
