Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
