wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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