his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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