Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
