Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
