i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize