bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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