I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
