Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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