Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Semen is not good for contacts.
As shirtless as possible
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
