So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
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