There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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