I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
