ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
