Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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