The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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