I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
and she was petting her beer can
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
