I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
