I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
