I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
