It's like a parade of train wrecks.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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