you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
