Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
