This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
