I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
