I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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