well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
