just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
