I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize