Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Four minutes until I can fart!
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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