i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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