it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
