Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I enjoy the company of your penis
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
