I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
