Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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