I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
