Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
