Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
