:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
