How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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