i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
