It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize