My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
