she was so not down for the gang bang
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
