Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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