dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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