someone threw a dead crab at me
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
