so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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