Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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