I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Randomize
