Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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