So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
