Apparently you make a good broom.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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