I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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