he puts the penis in happiness.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
