Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize