YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
