3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize