we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
