No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
