sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
