Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
