i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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