goodnight i made you a song goodbye
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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