She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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