Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
being pregnant is like rehab
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Floor bacon is actually really good
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
