Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
