sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
