so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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