I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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