so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize