Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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