Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
