I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
