i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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