Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
it's like iHOP with fire
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
