Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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