I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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