what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Randomize
