That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
