home. puking in laundry basket.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize