She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
