Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I think my moral compass just broke
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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