garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
