i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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