You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
