found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
