Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
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