im drinking this country out of the recession.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
