just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
