drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
so much tequila, so little girl.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
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