If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize